What happens when a dream comes true?

I had been waiting for it to happen since almost a year. Ten years if you count it to the year I might have started to think on this dream: to get a book published. When it did happen, it happened on a rather unremarkable day. (Though the weather was beautiful, which is not surprising if you consider that Bangalore’s weather is always gorgeous.) Rather than read my address, as Bangalore courier guys are, a courier guy called me up to say he had a packet to deliver. I directed him to my house and reached barely 30 minutes after he must’ve given the courier.

I opened the courier and this is what I discovered:

Ghost Hunters of Kurseong



Ten copies of The Ghost Hunters of Kurseong, my first novel for children, published beautifully by Hachette India. Sent without informing me. The surprise was complete. Wow. I felt a shiver, but nothing else. It took a few days of celebration, spread the word, congrats on Facebook and Twitter, phone calls to make it feel real. My dream to publish a novel in my name had come true. It’s been a weekend and a busy week and I learnt a few things after I saw the book in my hand and wanted to share it with all of you.

  • I could not feel happiness till I called people who I knew would feel happy for me. My husband, my parents, my friends who have stood by me with tea, coffee and conversations. My editor Diya who worked equally hard on the book as me and Jayesh, the amazing illustrator for the book.

  • When a dream comes true, the moment itself is pretty unremarkable. Either it’s not sunk in, or you remember the crazinesses you went through to make it come true. The realisation comes slowly and wine helps.

  • Even before you enjoy it, another dream replaces the one that has just come true (in my case, I would like to find more readers for my books) and whoosh, the feeling of achieving the dream is lost. So basically, you never stop carrying the slightly worried-panicked expression that you have seen on writers’ faces.

  • New authors message you on social networks wanting to know how they can write books and demand to know how you made it to a publisher’s table. (I did it to another debut author as well) ‘Just send the proposal and wait’ just doesn’t seem to cut it. Some of them are slightly suspicious and keep prodding till you log out of the said social network.

  • You still have a truckload of work to do which will not happen if you keep being in the moment. 😉



The beta of becoming

Blame it on a sleepy mood in the morning. Or the fact that I am doing too many tech stories for Mint (here, here and even here). Or a beautifully grey-blue morning in Bangalore. Or just the bellboys, who I love putting blame on anyways. Today morning, I woke up convinced that I am a program in its beta stage. Do I hear you laugh? Let me convince you.

TNAlphabet-Letter-B-shadowI am continuously changing, evolving, becoming something else.  Everything about me is in a flux–physical, mental, emotional, intellectual and all the other lulls. My source code is constantly being tampered with. By me, the things I read everything, by a man on the streets I don’t even know, by the potent combination of conversations and caffeine, by media, the movies I see, the videos I flick through on youtube, even innocent tweets. All of these are constantly tweaking my self, my insides, fusing, fastening, gripping, loosening, doing the salsa with my minds.

It’s interesting times, yes. It’s also revolutionary times inside me. I am becoming something else. I don’t even know what yet. What will I eventually turn into? If I look one step ahead, I am scared. There’s nothing but darkness there. A big, black hole of missing code, yet to be written.

Sometimes I am a developer of this conundrum of minds, senses, thoughts, ideas. Sometimes, I am an observer, one of them, helplessly watching from the sidelines as someone tampers, hacks into the deepest core of me, damaging, changing me forever. Sometimes I feel like binary numbers which have stopped making logical sense. Sometimes I feel like god, comfortable and enjoying the organic growth, celebrating the way the beta is shaping up. The way me is becoming, constantly changing, adjusting, tweaking to the demands of users, observers, critics, editors, friends, writers, developers, and opinionators.

I am an immortal beta who will never really become.